Epic fail....

Back to the drawing bored in the a.m. I even have the alarm on. No more sleeping in.

Disappointed

U really don't know what u expected after yesterday ...there is + on the scale....maybe cause its late in the day....or water retention ...
But can't think of the name...but I'm not going to take it. No I'm not going to take it. No I'm not going to take it any more!
Goal
To wear sexy shoes...why? Cause I would like to be wearing sexy shoes with a sexy dress. :)

So maybe i pigged out today

... but for what its worth I ate a salad and cabbage and Collards and a small piece of Ham and and some pieces if sausage ... I really stayed away from breads and fried foods. I did have a part of a roll and like 2 small fried shrimp and....dessert

I probably only feel. Bad because that was the most carbs. I
Had in 4 days...but that will be all I eat...its already 6:30 usually I will eat breakfast Lunch....snack...and since I'm working till 1 am something. Then too. I eat when I'm hungry.

So tomorrow is another day.

Lets say my start weight is 250 (which means I am having to RElose 20lbs. Fun.

What's more fun? How about progress pictures!

And in 1 month I will do more...stay tune for measurements tomorrow.

Something to write about

Now I held off on the weight loss clinic...till August
But today will be day 3 of doing low Carb. Yes I know its a fad diet. But 4 years ago I started losing weight and I lost 15 lbs in 2 weeks on the diet. Then I started doing my own thing got a job and as I lost weight I became more confident. But somewhere I hit a plateau at 50lbs down....which I kept off for a long time. Like 2 years....then there was some family problems. And depression ...and I gained 57 lbs in NO time.....
I get so ashamed I want no one to see me...and to be honest that's part of the reason I'm skipping my 10yr high school reunion.   120 lbs heavier is not how I want people to remember me at.
Man. I'm watching a biggest loser episode rerun...and I'm ready to cry! And nothings happened yet! Maybe cause I know I could do that if I set my mind to it. I should use my kinect game.

So this is day 3. I need to get pictures and a weigh in.
I commend people who can do this on their own but at this point I need to hold myself responsible to someone besides myself...and someone to push me over the hump if I run into it again and that's why I chose the hcg clinic.
But this is it. I know a year from now me today will be a product of my past. I can I will.

Good by size 20
Good by belly buldge
Good bye hiding

Hello family photo
Hello trying a 5k

Talked To lady from HCG clinic

Happy 4th EVeryone ... 4 may days of work to go (that would complete my 11 day straight at WH)  but I made the appointment for next tuesday. I still have to look at my finances... I may have to just reschedule. I dont know. Wish me luck... I'm sure once I start I will be documenting more.

We will see

I know its no excuse. I am terrible at this whole blogging thing... Maybe its because I work 2 jobs and try to be a family mom so any free time I have is spending time with my family....
Maybe its because I just havent been doing the right thing so I'm ashamed...
Maybe because I know its cause no one reads this so whats the point....

Maybe I dont have anything to write about.   Who wants to hear. 

".... Yes went to work today (again)  clean my old peoples house with the cats... (no i didnt use the cats to clean the house the old people has cats.... and an abundant of them ... enough to mention on here) then I went home at child for a min..... then I went to work at my other job WAFFLE HOUSE!!!! WHATS UP WAFFLE HOUSE GOERS THATS RIGHT!   and lets see.... I had a WHOLE WHOOPING 10 thats right TEN customers in 7 hours.... then I went home and did nothing till I went to bed.... which isnt entirely true. But I didnt do enough to write a book about it....."

I also am looking into weightloss help.

I research some on the WW sight.... And it just seems to be a pain in the ass (and there isnt but 1 meeting once a week on a monday and 6pm.... )  Just doesnt seem worth it to me.

I really am thinking about going to the hcg clinc that open up near me.  299 down 69 every two week till its paid off....which is close to 800....  but its like so many weeks of dieting and life style changing and weighing in and what not then a full year of maintence..... i think financially thats more up my ally then weight watchers. and once its paid off its paid off... unlike WW where EVERY MONTH its so much a month.

Not to mention maybe being a manditory payment which pays for the whole program maybe I would be more opt to go.... where as if I went to weight watchers I most likely would find it an inconvincionce financially at some point in time and quit....

well thats that

disapointment

Ihate writing on here because I have nothing to show for anything. I am terrible. I lost 30lb and.... probably gained most of it back. (last i check i alrady gained half of it back).... All I keep doing is stuffing my fattty face. I start to "diet" or eat better for break fast..... and then by lunch I screw it up. I blame it on working at WAFFLE HOUSE....  I see other peoples food....and I want it.....SOOOO bad. Waffles...mmm....the smell of a waffle as it cooks.  Or some raisin toast (which i really dont like but some times i want it)  OR SOME HASH BROWNS   Smothered Double Covered Chunked Peppered...with som ranch... Peacan pie...  and my new vice... Pork Chop with wochstershire (whatever how ever you spell it) sauce.  I feel so full and bloated.  and ..... the later into the sumer....the later I wake up.   Ofcourse working the crazy hours I work doesnt help.

I miss going to the gym... I miss....feeling motivated .... I wish I had a partner who was motivated and just want to do this together.... I work well like that....or make a friendly battle.... I am almost thinking about doing weight watchers....or PHC or what ever.... I am desprate... I feel I need help right at this point.... I need some kind of a goal... or jump start.  The farther I get off track ....The worse I feel and the less motivated I become.

Help  =/

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I feel terrible

I dont even know ho much I have gained. All I do is eat. I eat because I am bored. I eat when I'm depressed. I eat and eat.
I hate having to back track. 2 months ago. I probably 20lbs lighter..... and I have just let myself go.
Maybe I will get it together soon.

I do fine then i dont

This really suck....I hate that I just haven't stuck with it....everyone I read they do so awesome and I'm so proud of them.... but I feel like a failure....when u see myself. I see a blob.

I think my scale needs new batteries

It says I weigh 225 ...

Not so easy

I hate being fat. I hate that this isn't just easy. I hate that no one reads this
.... I really love runsforcookies (Katie's blogs) she has touched so many people's life's. I really wish and hope one day I can do the same.
I want to make an impact somewhere.
I want to....
I will...one day.

Figured out why

Well today starts all over again ... but I figured out why I'm falling.... I haven't worked in a week and I get bored depressed disappointed and I eat
I binged last night too. But this morning I through all left over chips in trash. I'm watch biggest loser reruns and thinking I CAN DO THAT I know I can. Something has to change. Starting today I will walk 3 miles to work.

Lets be honest

I have binged and ate and stuffed my face for the last 3 weeks. I never even started working to get to the 215 goal so I could get a new razor. In fact u gained 5 lbs... but I am determined to lose something by the time the trip to Iowa comes up. And today is day 1. Wish me luck this road is harder than I thought.

Day two down 17 to go

One thing I'm bummed about is the.fact that I haven't exercised in 4 days.
But day 2 of my "diet" 17 to go. I got a sweet tooth drank some hazelnut coffee.
We booked the hotel in Brunswick so it is official.
I have to get a mirror so I can get before pics. I am waiting for someone to notice but I guess no one has. I wonder when or at what amount lost will people start being able to TELL a difference .... honestly I can't either.  Well back to work I go ...

New short goal.... or a few

Well planned the 3 day 2 night family trip to Hilton Head. I am freaking excited!!!! Only 17 days to go. I'm starting at 228 and I would like to be ( as stated before) as close to 215 as possible.
I have been doing this since October and in 5 months I have only lost 30 lbs. You know how usually when people first lose weight they lose a significant amount...that never really happened to me. But then again I never did it seriously. I changed how I ate and recently started going to the gym.
Instead of actually worrying about what the scale says. I'm going to count down the days. 
I want to do low carb (yeah its silly) til April 20 after my weekend of fun I will figure out what to do diet wise then.
I want to get as many gym days in that I can. No red box movies...or going out to eat. (Gotta save money)
I'm scared to set a running goal...
If I can do half a mile now.....well I'm going to work on a mile but if I for some reason don't make it I'm not going to let myself get down about it.
My reward isn't for losing such amount of weight but for staying on track. I would write more blogs but working two jobs trying to get gym time in....I'm out as soon as I lay down. I will try and blog more though.

Me vs Half a mile

Well new goal new reward. I want to get as close to 215 as possible ...do you know how crazy that will be? That will leave me at about 10 lbs away from 50lbs lost. Really! 50....
:-/ why do I have to get so technical ... I'm off track ... I wanted to be under 200 when I saw my inlaws again...the first week in june.... I don't know maybe I can do it.... or atleast get close. I haven't been that weight since like the beginning of 2010 ... so maybe they will notice?  And it will be close to Christmas that we see them again maybe then they can meet the better me.  And no I'm no losing weight to impress them.... this is not who I was....this is what I became 3 kids in 4 years and major depression can take its toll on a body. It just would be nice to feel confident again. People. look differently at a fat person over a thin person.  Fat people carry themself different. And I just want to get out of that class.  I want to quit hiding behind the camera and take our first family picture in 5 yes FIVE years. I cant even find any before pictures to compare to ... because I DELETE them when no one is looking. The last 8 years of my life is almost completely missing....how messed up is THAT!?!?
Now before that rent I was wanting to be in the 150s by my high school reunion in August ... when I started that gave me 12 months to lose 100lbs...not unreasonable considering people do that in 10 months....hell biggest loser contestants do it in 3 or less.... well I had a few hiccups along the way and I will be lucky to reach 70lb ....but who knows...

And then the next thing I worry about.....gaining it back. But....I will go on that rant later.
On a positive note... back to what I came here for. My next reward...my 10$ razor so I can enjoy shaving my legs instead of skipping out ...poor hubby he wakes up at night clenching my boobs to make sure he is still sleeping next to a woman....LOL not really :)

And to the title..... me vs half a mile...
And.....
I'm a gonna call it a draw ... today I walked a quarter....jogged/ran slowly HALF A MILE!!!!... and walked a quarter to cool down (keep from looking like a fool crawling on the floor gasping for air) ...the quarter wasn't to bad. I recovered quick from that but the second quarter has me wanting to fall out. I litterally hate it. I can't see my self do more than that. Really .... but.... I want to do it again.  I think what I will do is walk one. Run two. Walk one. Run one. Walk one to cool down. Depending on how long it takes to recover I don't know if I should walk one ...try to run/jog 3 ...walk one to cool down or walk one run two walk one run two walk one.... if this sounds confusing thing about a foot ball field track...and I'm talking laps.

Well...I guess I will figure it out this weekend.

Easy to fall off hard to get back on

Really what can I say? I was doing awesome...then this weekend I made tons of bad choices which has set.me way back. Number 1 my food intake has been embarrassing ... I skipped the track sat and sun. And I'm back over 230. I was so close to being proud of myself now I'm a bit disappointed .... I had been writing blogs on SP but....I hit the.wrong.button on my phone and erase it before saving... aggrivating I tell you.

2 positives for me.... my recovery time.after a quarter mile is so much quicker :) and after walking a lab I'm able to run a quarter mile again .... next time I wanna do both... that is half a mile no walking.

Stay tuned to getting on track.

Epic fail leads to new heights

Breakfast- chocolate slimfast 60 Cal almond milk instead of skim
Lunch- Carb overload pizza buffet like 4 or 5 slices and a nice sized salad.....little bit of pasta
Dinner wasn't hungry.....but 11pm I'm getting there....I must go to bed soon.

There was no skipping the gym today. Had to burn some Cals. Besides weight lifting I only burned 200. 150 burned on the amt trainer 15 min. And I was stoked to do 4 min at 5.1 on the treadmill WITH A SHORTER RECOVERY TIME! I think I may start doing the runs first then do the other machines ...

Is there anyway to tighten skin while losing weight....I hope the weight lifting will do something

A few days late, but.....

I am under 230 yay yay yay yay.....  now I can use my new undies I have had for when I reach my goal. I'm cheap so that's the only way I could justify spending 9 dollars for a pack of underwear.

2.8 more lbs to lose to be able to say I'm down 30lbs. 29.8 lbs to get to where I was 3 years ago but hit a plateau and gave up hope.

I really need to change the way I weigh in. So I joined a sparks team to do Monday weekly weigh ins.  hopefully it would keep me from discouraged since my weight seems to fluctuate throughout the week. Its upsetting to me that I have only lost 5 lbs since last month. But I should be happy.

I do notice a change in my eating. I'm hungry more often. And I eat. But I stop when I'm full even if that means throwing away half my food ...  man.... I can't wait to get into my old pants size 16.  And I really can't wait to for the first time in. 8 years to be bellow that. It seems surreal now though.

Starting to get somewhere

I'm up to 20 minutes on the cardio machines. I still don't like the elliptical ... its kinda easy.... but my husband just expanded from the treadmill to the elliptical which hopefully means he will be my partner instead of us separating since I am not challenged by the treadmill.  I do after 20 min of sweating it on the elliptical arc trainer or my favorite AMT trainer do a 5.1 pace on the treadmill which btw I'm excited to announce I am up to 3 min...which gets me .25miles.
Speaking of. 25 mile since our gym don't offer child care one weekends I am adding the local track as part of me get fit regiment ... we went a few days ago. And I did my first .25ml non stop...probably not at a 5.1 pace like on the treadmill but I did it.what I hope to accomplish is all week at the gym I build up stamina then on the weekend maybe I will see improvement from the week prior.

I never did get under my 230 goal by my bday didn't happen ... but oh well....weight will drop off when its ready to. I just pray that going to the gym and working out I hope to see an improvement my ..
I look in the mirror and my stomach is large like a pregnant woman with out the cute roundness of the baby bump....I'm scared it wont go away.....

Well its time for the gym....

I just dont get it

For the last week I have been trying to walk the 3 miles to work and sure I try to run some too...what I don't get is how former fatties (no offense that is what I plan to be) become runner...as a teen I was in shape and loved doing all sorts of physical activities .... except run I loath. Running.  Put me on an elitical or a an arc trainer which is a running elliptical thing and I push myself faster harder than u would think a fat girl like me should go.... but put me outside and its like gravity has a hold to me. Running is not pleasurable. I am always thinking about my next stopping point and when it comes to starting again its like pulling teeth. 
I don't know...I hope the enjoyment comes with the loss of weight.
Another thing.....I hate counting calories...sure that's why there's the point system....or Atkins.....but I hate not being able to poop. Which I'm sure is why I have been fluctuating instead of having a consecutive loss. I have started watching what I eat I just slip more than I like.

In other news ....tomorrow is my bday..I'm not to happy about it.

Work it!

THAT is what I'm working on. I hope these pix uploaded. Its no where near my start.  I can't find a picture of me anywhere BC I hated me. So even though it was a roller coaster of ups and Downs along the way....I did start in October at 257...and here it is March and just now in almost to my first goal of being in tgw 220s.
We hit a deer ...so we have been missing the gym....but I am excited to say this is day. 2 of walking 3 miles to work and then be on my feet for hours. Which is probably why we are in this was....

Where did yhe week go? Oh yeah....

This week has been something else....I'm disappointed we only made it to the gym once this week...I'm hoping for better next week. I'd write more but I'm exhausted!

9 days 7 lbs....

I know it's a high goal.... but I have been stuck at the same weight for weeks. And after months (3 to be exact) aunt Flo finally came by.... then the fact that the whole diet and exercise is practically starting over I'm hoping for the first week big loss syndrome. 

I love this pure motivation I go to the gym...do some cardio...lift some weights and when I don't think I can Oliver push further.  I increased the length of time I stay on cardio equipment 5 min this week some 15 min it is.  One day a week I do the tread mill....I'm trying to build MT endurance....3min at 5.1 pace ...
Not good yet....bur I am working on it. Still no pics...but soon

A horrid weekend

My gym buddy dear hubby is away for a few days.... and I really need him things are unspeakabley terrible.
Something around here has to change.

4 out of 5 aint bad

So far we have been to the gym 4 out of 5 days our first week. The first thing is cardio.....10 min is about 100cal burn....the elliptical'
The running elliptical thing or the arc stride thing...next week going to try to add 5 min. Only once this week ran 5.0 on treadmill for 2 min....sucky right! I might add 30 sec a day or 1 min a week.  Did arm and stomach work out ...I'm alternating between arm and leg daily.

Haven't done pics or measurements but will do them for sure when I get the wraps......I will give more details when I get them... 

Day one at the gym

Yesterday was myfirst day at the gym in forever ....did like 13 min on the eliptical only so i can say i burned 100 cals.... did some stomach equipment and got out.... bt not before seeing my self in that full length mirror that is meant for you yo see yoirself working out (or to make the room look bigger so pepple dont get claustrophobic in a room with lots of sweaty people)   i really wanna run the running trainer thing and the cool looking gizelle thing .... and after i get off that get on the treadmil and jog as long as i can everyday adding a minute each day maybe y will build up my stamina that I can really run but outside...
I really wonder when people start running do the already like it or they just learn to love it? Even when I was skinny I hated it.... I just can't see myself at that point saying ill run three days a week....

Yesterdays food log...
Breakfast 7/8th if a can of unsweetened apple. Sauce
Lunch can of tuna
Snack grill chicken bits
Dinner small waffle sugar free syrup and a salad a cup of OJ
Snack some chicken nuggets and home made honeymustard.....because I was hungry

I still need to get pictures....and measurements....

Tomorrow is the big day

I have a membership at the Y and I plan to use it!   I am so excited. I will get measurements and before pics today some time.....my goal is to lose 10 lbs by my birthday on the 17th of this month....only because the first week of dieting people lose a lot and I hope to be one of them. So wish me luck!

Lost my pictures

Man I had before pictures on my other cell and now it's gone. I never uploaded them anywhere. I could kick myself BC I never get my pics taken so there are none of me any where. Oh well

Trying to work on updating

So I finally figured out how to use a mobile blogger. And in doing so maybe I can keep up with day to day life better. I was so shocked to see the scale this morning 234 lbs REALLY! The weight loss has been slow. I think October  I started at 257 lbs (my all time high) november I was 249 and December I was 243. January didn't show anyweight loss (BTW since I weigh in the beginning  month its a result from the month before) February I was 235lbs so as frustrated as I am that I have only lost 22 lbs since October.... I am happy that I am still losing SOMETHING.  I think the reason I am skeptical is because last year I hit around 238 TWICE and gained the waight right back.  I will be happy when I  hit 227 because I haven't been there in a year. It will be 27 lbs away from my lowest since 2010 and 20 lbs away from losing 50 lbs. 20 lbs away from maybe someone noticing. 20lbs away from the place I started to feel better about myself. 20 lbs away from being able to button my size 16 jeans. I would be half way to 100!
YAY.  SO seeing the numbers go down even with having a bad few days has me eager to jumbo back on the horse faster. I do and will be adding exercise soon. And being honest about my struggles here.

So here I come!

Intro...

Hello! My name is Tamie. I'm 27. My birthday is March 17 (so there's plenty of time to get me something =D jk.) I am new too this whole blogging bit so please bare with me. I have a husband who is a recovering addict. Times haven't been easy but we are making it through. We are blessed with three little trouble making boys. The drama in the family is like a soap Oprah. And I am the overweight mule who keeps pulling the oversized cart through the mud. I don't know what this blog will hold. I do know I want to be motivated to lose this fat suite. Even if I may have been big bones. ..or lets say thick. I was notFAT ...my own mother put weight issues in my head. ..I had a woman's body wishing for a child's body...because all my sisters were stick thin. That is till they hit puberty. Thanks ma for putting that in my head. So I got pregnant at 19. 6 months pregnant I only gains 16 lbs and the doctors told me that was too much. That did a number to me ... and and the last 4 months I gains 50lbs....that's my if only I could go back and change things moment. I haven't lost the weight since. In fact after having 2 more kids...I can't blame the weight weight gain on I hit a few months of depression putting me at my highest in 2008 of 253 lbs....in 2009 I was down 50lb and kept it off till 2011... where all the drama starts and I bounced up to a new high. 257lbs. I can't even begin to tell you how ashamed I am. And ever since I have struggled. I am at 243 now... but getting motivated is hard when all I want to do is fill the empty space. Something's got to give.